Can we please get back to some proper evening wear?

I know this article will seem elitist, and I’ll get a lot of flak from some members of the community, but it must be told. People judge you based on how you present yourself. Yeah, I know, groundbreaking stuff, right? Well, it never ceases to amaze me how many adults aren’t aware of that little fact.

But Kyrell, some people can’t afford decent clothes, you bourgeoisie pig.

That’s not what I’m talking about. You don’t need that Dolce and Gabbana $11,000.00 red silk dress, nor do you need that Kiton K50 suit that costs more than my car.

What I am specifically referring to, are those people who decide to go to a black-tie restaurant in cargo shorts and a polo.

Let me back up for half a second.

At my house on the weekends, I wear board shorts with a few holes in the legs, my checkered Vans — you know, Jeff Spicoli specials — and an old t-shirt. But that is at my house.

When I go to work, I wear business casual, because that’s what the culture in my office requires.

When I was in the Army in Afghanistan, I wore a plate carrier, multicams, and carried an M4. I didn’t wear a three-piece and a bow tie.

See, I dress according to the situation and location.

So why am I complaining?

Society has somehow lost its way with regards to dressing respectfully for your fellow human.

I was on a boat — insert absurdly popular but aged reference from youtube here — and we were attending the cruise hosted black-tie gala. I have a five-year-old and seven-year-old, and they were dressed in proper evening clothing. Clothing that my wife picked up from a second-hand store. Clothing that I think cost us about forty dollars in total. During this evening of festivity, elegance, and foppish frivolity I was absolutely horrified to see not one, not two, but at least a baker’s dozen people in cargo shorts, flip flops, and t-shirts. Oh, the humanity.

I know it sounds pompous or elitist, but I honestly was a little pissed off. Galas are about presence, culture, and refinement. A gala will not work if Kid Rock is playing Sweet Home Alabama in the background. It will not work if your hors d’oeuvres are Ritz Crackers topped with Cheese Whiz. It definitely doesn’t work if half the guests are dressed like they are about to mow their lawn.

Actually, there might have been banjo music playing in the background.

Now if this were a one-time affair, I would chalk it up to nothing more than a fluke. It was not a singular event.

When I redeployed from Maiwand, where I ran an Infantry Company, we had a formal. For those unaware of military formals, they are a grand spectacle ingrained with protocol, civility, and wives wearing evening gowns.

It is not uncommon for a formal to have senators, congressman, mayors, governors, or even cabinet members appear, though not at a battalion event.

I, dutifully, made it very clear to my subordinates, and through the Family Readiness Group, to the spouses, that this was indeed a bow-tie event, and that guests needed to dress accordingly.

My warning to my subordinates was well-founded, as more than one date from other companies showed up in LBDs. They were politely asked to return with appropriate dress. I am sure the dates were embarrassed to be told by their boyfriends boss’s, boss’s, boss’s, boss, that they were underdressed. Such embarrassment could have been avoided with just a little education.

Unfortunately, cruise lines have taken a different approach and simply tolerate the uninitiated. Why? I have no idea.

This also seems to happen on some date nights in decent restaurants and shows. I took my wife to a broadway play, she was dressed to the nines, I was in a three-piece, and Bob was in jeans and a polo. We ignored Bob, but I had to wonder if he felt out of place?

Sometimes you gotta wear a better skirt.

I mean, I wear jeans a lot of places. Hell, even when I go to church I wear jeans because that's what our church expects. I don’t wear jeans to work though, nor would I wear it to The Inn at Little Washington, which has no dress code. By the way, if someone knows someone there, hook me up with a reservation for Valentines Day next year, please?

The bottom line is, people don’t dress up to make other people feel inferior. It is, in fact, the opposite. A gentleman is not someone who owns horses, it is someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible (thanks Blast from the Past). So please, if you are on a boat going to a gala, or heading to a broadway play, please dress the part.

Feel free to flame me in the comments now.